Leaving the Gulf and Daisy today.
Celebrated her birthday briefly.
Early
It’s in 3 days
I kissed her goodbye and we hugged. On her porch.
I struggle now to remember every few minutes we had then.
And while I was there.
I came down with something right after I arrived here and didn’t want to give it to her. Don’t know what it was mostly congestion and cough. Headache. Fever. Like a not so bad flu but never knew where it was going. It kept on ..no energy
I wish she would come live with me.
I really do.
Back at the room packing I lie down awhile reflecting …
My feelings were well, the realization I don’t know if and when I’ll see her or family again
My lip trembled as I recall my Grandmas sullen mood change when we were leaving a visit with her
Now I’m sure it was that same dreaded lack of optimism I feel now
What if..
please when you’re a young person, understand, this happens
In a way I don’t want to go but I can’t stay here I don’t like it here at all
I don’t like the eternal winds the sand clogged sky
The food,
The flat everything
It was never my home
I’m from the hilly parts, the mountains of Appalachia
Also the Cascades and Olympics where I moved in 92
I loved Washington and should have kept her there with me but do I belong anywhere? I’ve paused too long I suppose. It’s not the first time.
But I kept getting kind of blown over in ways I couldn’t buy a home.
I should have Been able to buy but prices were high
And someone pulled the rug out from my feet too often
Anyway she wanted to go elsewhere so I let her,.. wrong move I think
Now the gulf is her home and she’s 41 in 3 days I’m too old to count
Well it feels that way with this topsy turvy world !
With t leading the country astray
I wag my tongue about him enough
I’ll spare this post I don’t use its name
Everyone else keeps his name on their tongue 24/7 I’ve refused from the get go
If they’d given ‘it’ the slip he’d have dried up long ago
A danger to society and everything we know as life
I’m not going to get started here
Anyway she could start a new life in WA again but I understand her reluctance. This land was his land not mine.
And her family is, me.
I moved there when I was in my early 40’s
It was different than now, but everything is
Mountains, fast running rivers, snowy peaks, temperate rain forests but it nearly killed ne she was gone
I had a really rough time
And now I feel I don’t know, empty there here, everywhere
I didn’t want her to leave I didn’t want leave today
How to reconcile this?
Sad day
I have very few pics